When you hear the word endings what comes to mind? Finality, over, no more, to cease being? When something ends the process or existence of whatever it is, is no longer.
There are several things in our life that will come to an end: chapters of our life, parts of us, hopes and dreams, relationships, careers, experiences, etc.
Endings can be expectant and pleasant, come with shock and pain, or come with neutral emotions. Some endings are good, some are not. Some endings challenge and change us and some have no impact. The one thing that is consistently true about endings is that they are a natural part of life.
We have looked at endings mainly as losses and because of it we connect endings with pain and grief. Some endings are significant losses and this leads to a grieving process but that’s not the case for all endings. If we have a better understanding of endings we will be able to navigate them in a more healthy way and this will cause us to grow and evolve. Being able to process why an ending occurred is helpful but some endings have no answer and this can leave us in a shocked and confused state for a while. Having some foundational information for navigating endings can help us in the experience. This is not a step by step process but information to be considered in order to help you with navigating endings.
As stated earlier endings can come for several different reasons but no matter the reason something that will accompany an ending is an emotional response. If you have followed me for any length of time you know that I am all about normalizing emotions. Emotions are natural, normal, and needed. Emotions are a healthy part of us and they show up as we live. When it comes to endings, emotions are to be expected. They don’t mean you’ve made the wrong decision or that there is a problem. Emotions come due to experiences and an ending is an experience. When something is coming or has come to an end we need to give ourselves permission to feel without judgment. When we sit in judgment of our emotional responses instead of connecting with the fact that most of the time the emotions that we are feeling are realistic for the experience that we are living through, this validates us.
Something else you know about me if you’ve followed me for any length of time is that I am always saying check in with the narrative that you are telling yourself about what you are experiencing. The inner narrative that you have going on within you will determine your mood, emotions, mindset, and behaviors. When we tell ourselves that we should not be feeling what we are, or if we are harshly judging ourselves for what we are feeling this is harmful and shuts down our ability to process the experience in a healthy way.
The narrative that you tell yourself will be based on your current circumstances, past experiences, beliefs that you have about yourself, others, and your world view and your faith. This narrative will also be connected to what you think or feel about the future. Depending on the type of ending you are experiencing the narrative will also be about your thoughts and beliefs regarding those that are involved. For example if the ending is a breakup or divorce, the narrative will be connected to your partner and your lived experience with them. When it comes to relationship endings sometimes the narrative is also connected to other relational experiences and not just the one that is ending. If the ending is a job or career the narrative will be connected to your thoughts and beliefs about your experience within the job, your boss, your skills and the business at large.
When you check in with your narrative (the story that you are telling yourself about the ending) ask yourself the following questions:
- What is the story that I am telling myself about this ending
- Is this story helping me or hurting me
- Are there facts to back up this story
- If there are no facts to back up the story, am I telling myself a true narrative about the experience
- If not, what is the true narrative, the facts not what I feel
- What am I feeling
- Are my feelings realistic for the experience, if not what do I think I should be feeling instead and why
- Am I harshly judging myself for what I’m feeling
- Is this ending necessary, avoidable, or out of my control
- Is there anything I could have done differently, should have done differently or want to do differently now
- If so, what would or will this change
- Is it possible for me to go back and do these things now
- If I do these things will it change the narrative that I am telling myself
- If it is not possible for me to change anything, what do I need to help me get through this time
Our inner narrative is the GPS that is guiding our soul (mind, will, and emotions) through the ending experience. Syncing the narrative in what is true with gentleness, patience, consideration, and empathy for yourself and others that are involved will make navigating the ending a little better.
If we can begin to look at endings as a part of life’s journey and approach them with faith instead of hopelessness and fear this will cause us to be strengthened during this part of our journey.
Journaling Prompts:
- What are my beliefs about endings?
- The next time I am experiencing an ending what is one thing that I can do to make it a better experience
- Journal about an ending that you’ve experienced. What did you learn from it? How did it change, challenge, or impact you?
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