I’ve lost myself, I don’t know who I am, and I never really found myself are statements that I have heard several times from those who have come to me seeking counseling. These thoughts often have surfaced after a traumatic event or significant loss. When we are faced with hardships in life it is normal to sometimes question our identity and purpose because trauma and pain can disrupt our sense of self. Being able to connect with what our identity consists of and knowing that some parts of our identity changes as we live is important to know and understand when it comes to healing and recovery.
Our identity is shaped by many different things. It’s the physical, psychological, and spiritual aspects of who we are. The physical is the external and internal parts of us, our body, DNA, gender, and race. Our psychological part is our mind, will, and emotions. The spiritual aspect of us is our spirit, the part of us that is in relationship with and connects with God, meaning, and purpose. Our values, beliefs, personality and life roles also make up our identity.
Our identity is mostly developed in childhood and expands as we grow and develop. Our identity is connected to the roles or functions we have in life. It gives us direction and purpose and it impacts how we conduct our lives.
The things listed above make up our personal identity but the question of who am I, is connected to our self-identity. Our self-identity is made up of our view and assessment of our personal identity. Our self-identity is the way we see ourselves after we process our personal identity which again is made up of our values, beliefs, personality, physical makeup, and the roles we have in life.
There are different things that impact our view of self. How we are raised, the attachments that we form, the experiences that we have good and bad, our personality and others’ view of us all influence our self-view. It is from our view of self that we experience life, make decisions, and decide our behaviors. It is crucial to understand that no matter what we face in life there are some aspects of our identity that will never change and there are some that will.
As Christians the foundation of our identity is in Christ. When we accept Christ all things about us become new (II Corinthians 5:17). This doesn’t erase what we have experienced up until that point or even what will happen after that point, but it impacts how we navigate these things and the stance we take as we live here on earth.
As believers in Christ one thing that will never change about us is the image that we are formed in. According to Genesis 1:27 we are made in the image of God. This will never change. To understand the foundation of our identity as Christians we need to understand who God is. In knowing who he is, we will begin to know who we are. Studying the word of God and being in relationship with him will guide us in our self-discovery. One way to answer the question of who am I, is to make a list of who God says that you are and review it on a consistent basis.
Here are a few identity statements from scripture to help you get started.
John 1:12 Because I received him and believe in him, I am a child of God.
Romans 8:1 I am in Christ, so I am not condemned.
Romans 15:7 I am accepted by Christ.
II Corinthians 5:21 I am the righteousness of God.
Ephesians 2:10 I am the workmanship of God, created for good works.
Colossians 2:10 I am complete because I am in Christ.
When answering the question of who am I, the starting point is in the word of God. The next place to consider is the physical aspects of who you are as these parts too will never organically change. For example, I am an African American female, I am a daughter, I am a sister, and I am an aunt. These are natural physical roles that I have in life that will never change. Even if the relationship changes or is lost and even if how I function in them changes, the roles will not change. In answering the question who am I, it’s good to connect with the physical aspects of you.
Something else to consider in answering the question who am I is to consider your core values. Core values are the guiding principles and beliefs that you live according to. It’s the beliefs and ideas that are most important to you. They are the root of you. Being able to identify what they are will help you put words to who you are.
Death, disappointments, setbacks, betrayals and any other forms of trauma good or bad can never change the fact that we are created in the image of God, and they can never change the fact that we are who he says. They can’t change the physical makeup of who we were originally and organically created to be. However, they can change the psychological and spiritual aspects of us. When these changes occur, especially if it’s due to some form of trauma, this is what causes the question of who am I to surface. Part of the work in answering this question is learning to give permission and space for change. We have to work to understand that in life we change. We change because of things that are in our control and we change because of things that are out of our control. Change is not losing yourself, it is allowing yourself to evolve. Being able to lean into our God given identity and core values will help us to remain steady in our sense of self when hardships come, and it will help us to recover afterwards.
Trauma does change us, it changes how we view ourselves, others, the world around us, and God. Being able to be patient, kind, considerate, and supportive of self during times of trauma and change is important. It will provide a sense of stability while we heal and recover. Allowing safe people to share that space with us while we process and answer the question who am I now is helpful.
Life is a journey and on the journey we will undercover, rediscover and find ourselves several times and this is ok. Who am I, is a question of growth, it is not a sign of weakness or a question to be afraid of. It’s a question that when asked and answered provides insight and the ability to move forward. When things in our life change no matter the reasons for change, to ask and answer this question will keep you connected to yourself, to your identity, and to your purpose.
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